You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
