Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
