The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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