If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
