Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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