Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
