oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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