Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
