so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
