hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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