I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
