That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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