i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
