I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
