I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
