Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
