Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
