He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.