So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar