1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.