i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?