When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!