I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
