i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
