how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
