honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
