whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
