you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
