I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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