We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
