he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
