Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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