Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
