remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
