Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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