Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
