he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
