I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
