i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
