she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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