I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
