I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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