Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
