she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
