She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
