Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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