Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
