I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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