goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
