forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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