I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
