I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
