i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.