Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night