im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life