I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
