Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
not ubering you a puppy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
