She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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