I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What a dumb baby whore.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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