I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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