You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
