Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
