32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
being pregnant is like rehab
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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