I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
