either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
