it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will pee on everything he values.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
