He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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