i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The air taste purple.
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