i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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