I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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