While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you didnt know i had herpes?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
