you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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