i jhust puked up my retainher.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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