Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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