the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
