I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
"it" just moved
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
